Deep Breath

I lost track of time.  It's not that I don't know what today's date is, because I do.  I know that we're in the 4th marking period of school and both #2 and #3 are on track to earn straight A's this year.  #1 is following through on her enrollment process with school.  Everything is moving along as it should.

This month our Family Readiness Group is hosting dinner for our soldiers during their drill weekend.  I've been busy baking cookies and making tons of chili and meatballs.  I made Man Cookies by request of the soldiers and even though they didn't turn out flat and big, they have the same yummy taste.  I think I might have put too much flour in when doubling the recipe.  That's what happens when you bake at 11 pm.

But that's not why I need to take a deep breath, why I lost track of time.  Earlier this week I was asked to look at my upcoming summer schedule to see if there was any blocks of time I'd be gone so the praise team at church could be properly scheduled.  That's when I realized that it's already April and I'll be singing only through August and then I'll be coming off the praise team.  It's a personal choice that I make each time my husband is deployed.  I prefer not to have my kids stand without a parent during the praise and worship time of the service.  My husband won't be leaving right away, I just want a little time to worship with him before he does leave.

It was one of those moments that just side swipe you out of nowhere. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm reduced to tears. He's leaving soon.

It's easier and harder this time.  Easier because the kids are getting older and can do more for themselves.  #1 is also here so if I need to run out for a minute, I have an adult living here to watch the younger two.  It's also easier because of the aforementioned Family Readiness Group.  I've never been through a deployment with a family group in place and I can honestly say that I am looking forward to it.

It's harder because the kids are older and understand more.  Granted, my husband will be in Kuwait and it's a bit safer than Afghanistan, but he's still gone and they will still be taking it hard.  It's also harder because being the Family Readiness Group Leader, it's not like I can just break down in front of the families.  I need to be a source of leadership and support for them.  So despite having the family group, I have to be careful as well.

Pray for me as I face the upcoming months.  Pray as I get ready to spend a year without my husband.  Pray for me as I switch back into single parenting mode and pray for my kids as they try to adjust.  Pray for my husband and his troop for their safety.